Resolutions That Matter & That You Are Going To Keep

(adapted from work of Richard Miller PhD, Rick Hanson PhD,  and Mathew Kelly) 

Like the banks of a river, your intentions keep you flowing in the right direction… When you align your actions with your intentions, they become your living reality in this and every moment of your life.”

– Richard Miller, PhD

On the brink of a bright new year, or whenever we face a turning point in our lives, we traditionally pause to not only reflect on all we’ve accomplished but to envision what comes next. It’s a prime time to set a course toward greater fulfillment. As we do so, it’s worth considering: How can we ensure that the intentions and goals we set for ourselves are in alignment with who we truly are and what we want in life? 

Complete this exercise to set true-to-you resolutions for the new year:

What are my values?  

Our values are what we truly treasure, what makes our lives meaningful.  Having a sense that our life has a purpose, direction and meaning has been found to enhance our emotional well-being and nurture our relationships.  

So this new year, when setting your resolutions consider what matters most, what you truly need and want. If you were to create the Best Version of Me, what would it look like? What qualities would you embody? How would you show up with your family, friends, co-workers? What lifts you up and makes you feel proud of yourself? What makes you feel alive and energized? 

Make a list of character traits and actions that add up to the Self you aspire to be. 

Am I living in accordance with what matters most?

The simplest way to answer this question is to look at where my time and my energy is going. How much of my day, week, month is devoted to pursuing what truly matters and how much is squandered on distractions or activities that take me away from what I aspire to. List obstacles that are stealing your energy and happiness and get in the way of living a meaningful life. 

State your intentions 

What intentions support your heart-felt mission? Putt your intentions into words. State them in the present tense as though they are already happening.  Check if the words you choose to formulate your intentions ring true in your body and mind.  Some examples of intentions may be: 

I’m kind and non-judgmental towards myself and others

I eat and drink for health and vitality

I give myself permission to rest and to play

I enjoy learning new things and I devote time to learning every day

I am giving and helpful with others

I speak my truth and I don’t lie

I set my boundaries and respect the boundaries of others

My relationships are a source of harmony and love

I catch myself when I get reactive and I respond appropriately

I am willing to acknowledge my personal shortcomings and take action to overcome them

I am aware of the voice of my Inner Critic but I choose to ignore it

I plan my days and fulfill my commitments

I take good care of my body

My fears, anxieties  and worries do not dictate how I spend my days

I focus on my intentions daily and do my best to align my actions with what matters most.

It may be helpful to find one or two words that best represent your intentions. Those words could be: Love, Truth, Service, Health, Creativity, Freedom, Spirituality etc.

Translate intentions into specific actions

Intentions are like setting direction for your life. They are the banks of a river that keep you flowing in the right direction as Richard Miller put it. Actions are the steps you need to take to get your heart’s desire. Intention is saying: I have a loving relationship with my partner. To make it a reality you may need to commit to a number of actions: like setting aside time to have fun together and time to discuss problems.  Intention - I am successful in my career, may mean commitment to completing assignments on time or speaking up in team meetings. 

Focus your goals on things you will do rather than things you will not do.  Many of us make goals that center around giving up things:  I will not do this and will avoid that. However, instead of picking a goal that is focused on denying yourself something you enjoy, consider a goal that focuses on adding something of value to your life. It could be something as simple as going to bed earlier; reading your child a story every night; practicing daily meditation or joining a book club. 

Identify obstacles and distractions and set goals to overcome them. For example, if you’re finding that you’re not in alignment with your value of family, you might schedule a monthly lunch outing with your mother, make travel plans to visit your out of town relatives or limit the time spent on social media. 

Some of the activities that support your heart -felt mission will be enjoyable. However, building a life centered around your values may involve hardship and sacrifice. For example, it may ask you to give up an expensive pass time to free time and finances to enroll in a training program. It may mean tackling an addiction or letting go of an unhealthy relationship

Review to remember

Each day remind yourself of your intentions and goals. You may want to write them down to have a handy reference. It will help you stay on the path you have chosen. And when you do stray, which is inevitable, you will find it easier to get back on track. Let your intentions be present as a backdrop for each moment and fuel your motivation to move towards your heart-felt desires. As the saying goes: The most important thing is to remember the most important thing.